We can go our entire lives without getting clear on what it is that we want. Like Rachel McAdams’s character in the Notebook, the needs of empaths, can get lost in the reflection of the wants and needs of others.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There is a raft of biology and social science to explain why this happens. However sustainable relationships are a balance of give and take, but it has to be a balance.

You can’t pour from an empty glass

It feels easier and safer helping other people achieve their goals because we have less at stake. However, there is a risk i.e. when the other person, leaves, dies or is no longer worthy of support. In these situations “givers” often look up and feel completely drained, depleted, frustrated or angry.

The solution is to be mindful and smart about your goals and to actually have goals. You can give as much as you can, as long as it’s sustainable. Have a goal (yes, figuring out your goal and purpose is a goal) make a plan and work it.

You are allowed to play it safe and take it easy, as long as it’s what you want.